• A Fathers Priorities

A Father’s Day Call to Authentic Manhood

Happy Father’s Day 2013 to all Fathers! Regardless of whether you feel like you succeeded, are succeeding, or failed  as a Father, it does not matter. You are honored today.

Yet, if you are engaged with your family and actively doing all that you can to lead them, then I want to Honor,  Commend,  and Encourage you to continue on in this worthy mission!

Sitting in the waiting room at a Dr. Offices, I read the following passage title “Priorities” framed on the wall.

When I reach the end of my days, a moment or two from now, I must look back on something more meaningful than the pursuit of house and land and machines and stocks and bonds. Nor is fame of any lasting benefit.

I will consider my earthly existence to have been wasted, unless I can recall…

  • A loving family
  • A consistent investment in the lives of people
  • And an earnest attempt to serve the God who made me.

And there’s no better time than now to assess the values which are worthy of my time and effort. – Tom Seale

Did you hear that? 

There is no better time than Today to assess the values which are worthy of your time and effort?

Your son is worthy of your time and effort!

Ready to get Started? Take action now and assess your role as a Father and start making plans to Improve the Relationship with Your Son.

Review Your Schedule and Make Time

Do you have a schedule? Maybe you have not been this organized. I wasn’t and that’s ok. The irony is that I am very organized in the workplace and often serve as a project manager leading a variety of information technology projects. I know what it takes to be organized when I wear my workplace hat. However, my Strategic Father hat was not nearly as organized and it needed to be.

Think about what you’re recurring commitments are in a month and ask yourself these questions:

  1. What does my work schedule normally look like? (e.g. Monday through Friday, 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.
  2. What nights /days do I have commitments that I have to or really should attend? (e.g. Sports games, sports practices, community service, church, date nights, etc)
  3. What nights / days do I have commitments that I like to attend, but could drop if needed? (e.g. Hanging out with a friend,  thirsty Thursday, adult softball league, etc)
  4. When do I like to rest and unwind? (e.g. Sunday afternoons, Tuesday nights, etc

The Power of a One-on-One

My son’s love their one-on-one time with Dad. If I taught them nothing, let alone strategically taught them as you will through using ManBuilders, the one-on-one seals the knowledge of knowing that you love him. More than any skill that can be taught, your love and the quality of your relationship with him is the one that will outlast all others.

Free One-on-One Ideas

  • Walk to and then around a local park that has a playground
  • Spend time alone with him in his room. Shut the door, play with him, and talk.
  • Play make-believe/pretend with him outside and transform this into hide-and-seek.
  • Have a scavenger hunt for your son’s favorite toy (indoor or outdoor). Give him a reward when you find it!
  • Sing songs together. If you play a musical instrument, let your son join you and sing with you.
  • Explore in a patch of woods near your home. Pretend like you are in search of enemy soldiers or animals that you are hunting.

The Power of Positive Words

 15 Affirming Phrases

  1. You did a great job at…
  2. I believe in you…
  3. Let’s work on it together, so we can bust it out!
  4. I can see you have worked really hard. Thank you!
  5. I’m so glad you are my son.
  6. Son, you are good at…
  7. You used good judgement to solve that problem.
  8. I knew you could do it!
  9. What do you think the problem is?
  10. Let’s try teamwork.
  11. Do you have any ideas on how to solve this?
  12. I understand what you mean. How would you do it then?
  13. Let’s try this again, can you show me your way of doing it?
  14. Would you like to hear my idea?
  15. That might work. Let’s try it and see.

The Power of Positive Touch

Consider your son’s personality and let him lead you through the reaction provided during the touch. For example, you are walking to the playground at the park and listening to him go on about Transformers. You lay one of your hands on his shoulder while you are walking. Do this for about three seconds and then remove your hand. If he brushes your hand off of his shoulder immediately, no worries. You can try through another method that has a shorter duration.

The best tip we can give is that while speaking to him, place your hand on his shoulder when the moment is right. Connect with him!

Short-Duration Positive Touch

  1. High Fives
  2. Fist Bumps (Ask him to make a fist, then you make a fist, and then bump them together. Do this after saying “good job” or providing a compliment based on his action).
  3. Body Bumps (Bump your side into his while walking to jostle him a little bit. Do it while joking and make some kind of funny remark.)

Long-Duration Positive Touch

  1. Sitting on the couch watching a movie with your arm around him.
  2. Giving a hug for any length of time.
  3. Rock-Paper-Scissors games

The Power of Bragging on Your Son

The art of bragging on your son in front of others is an affirmation of who he is and what he means to you. Brag on him in front of:

  • Adults who are of good moral character. – Frequent
  • Teachers or Coaches. – Often
  • Your adult friends. – Often
  • His friends. – Sometimes

Be mindful of the conditions. When there is an informal setting of people such as the following you have an opportunity waiting in the wings.

  1. Sitting at the dinner table with guests visiting your home.
  2. Eating a meal together with others at a restaurant.
  3. At the park with friends.
  4. Before or after a sporting event in front of his coach.

Consider using the following phrases. The real truth is that this will just come naturally when the time permits. The important learning lesson is to be mindful that you do it.

  1. Last week, Jacob did a great job on his science studies and has shown some improvement. He is really putting effort into his work.
  2. I can’t believe the way Jordan acted when he missed that ball. Instead of getting embarrassed or angry, he acted with great character and I’m proud of him.
  3. Earlier today, Johnathan told me that he is going to work hard on making his bed consistently. I really appreciate that he takes what I have asked him seriously.
  4. Next week, Jonah will be tested for moving up a belt in Karate. He has been asking me to help him drill and prepare. Jonah is really dedicated and I am proud of him for his planning and perseverance.
  5. Jared is really great at reading. Just yesterday he read a book with me that was 30 pages long in under an hour. He really does well.

Happy Fathers Day! Get rocking and start working to build character into your son and scheduling the time to lead and guide him into manhood. If you have a son who is 4-9 years old, the Bringing Up Boys of Character: 12 Core Virtues Decoded will be FREE on Fathers Day, June 16, 2013.


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